TPG’s top five critic meltdowns
I’ll be honest: I find snarky reviews, on the whole, to be utterly hilarious. I’d probably find them to be a lot less hilarious if I was the target but, seeing how that has yet to happen, I think I’ll be happily enjoying them for some time yet.
Sometimes, however, a work will be so unutterably terrible that ordinary snark just won’t cut it. In this case, the critic has only one other option: namely, to break down ranting for the whole world to see. This countdown is for them.
Moviebob’s reviews tend to be a bit of mixed bag in my opinion, as his own biases frequently get in the way of his videos. That said, that doesn’t make his bad reviews any less funny to listen to.
Bob’s Green Lantern review is one video which never even tries to pull its punches. Out of the gate, Bob attacks absolutely everything, from the choice of actors (“miscast”), the camerawork (“limp and lifeless”) and even the screenplay itself (“A gigantic pile of cliches, and not even properly structured cliches at that”). One rant later, Bob summarizes his opinions as follows:
Every second of Green Lantern is bad. Every moment is bad. Every frame is bad. Every note of the score is bad…
Needless to say, he goes on for some time. Worth a watch if you need a quick laugh.
Unlike many of these entries, Roger Ebert is a critic first and an entertainer second. Thus, his snark tends to be quite restrained when it shows up, which really just makes it funnier. And then North came along.
North, for those who aren’t aware, is a movie in which a child prodigy disowns his parents and goes in search of a new family, all of the candidates for which just so happen to be ethnic stereotypes. Ebert just about manages to remain composed until the third-to-last paragraph of his review, at which point he completely loses it:
I hated this movie. Hated hated hated hated hated this movie. Hated it. Hated every simpering stupid vacant audience-insulting moment of it. Hated the sensibility that thought anyone would like it. Hated the implied insult to the audience by its belief that anyone would be entertained by it.
Really, though, just about any of Ebert’s bad reviews are worth reading if you’re in need of some entertainment. Freddy Got Fingered, another zero star review, is just one example
Amazons Attack was a six-comic miniseries which completely obliterated Wonder Woman’s established storyline with very little payoff. Lewis Lovhaug, in character as Linkara, spent three whole videos discussing the various plot and character problems which plagued this series right from the beginning. The series iwas eventually revealed to be related to Countdown, a series which was so bad as to be almost entirely ignored in the event it was supposed to lead in to. Linkara, to put it mildly, was not happy.
The above link, by the way, goes to a compilation of all three of Linkara’s breakdowns. Watch that, then try watching the reviews afterwards. Even if you’re not a comic fan (I know I’m not), you’re sure to have a great time.
Apparently, the Nostalgia Critic really doesn’t like it when movies ruin the things he gets nostalgic over. Who’d have thought?
Undoubtedly my favorite NC moment, this incident was famous enough to be referenced in a a few of the Critic’s later reviews. Perhaps if it wasn’t for the even more famous “of course!”, it would have been seen more often.
I never thought it was possible to have a meltdown without words, but there you have it.